Over the years, we have heard a great deal about child abuse and eventually elderly abuse, which is a good thing. Many people have had the need for help and resources for most likely thousands of years, before anyone really started talking about these types of abusive situations, since many people will naturally hide the fact of abuse.

Why Would Abuse Victims Keep Silent?

People who have been on the harmful and hurting end of abuse are scared. They are scared that it will happen again. In some cases, they may even be afraid for their life or the life of another. The abuser, who has already manhandled and abused them, threatens some abuse victims, regardless of their gender or age.

Abuse victims may be embarrassed, because there are so few others who finally take as much abuse as they can stand and then stand up after too much abuse to sound the warning or blow the whistle on the person or persons who are the abusers.

Each situation is different and things can often become very complicated for the victim of abuse. Victims experience pain, suffering, mental anguish, emotional upset, nervousness, fear and a host of other negative influences after being abused, especially by someone that they love.

Remember, love is supposed to be a many splendid thing. Love is not supposed to be frightening and physically painful. Many people who suffer from abuse are terribly confused about the way they feel about their abuser. They often tippy-toe around the person who abuses them hoping that nothing they do will trigger another abusive episode in their life.

What is Abuse?

According to the dictionary, abuse is to mistreat a person or an animal in a cruel manner, whether that is physical abuse, psychological abuse or sexual abuse, especially on a regular basis or habitually. Therefore, Animal Abuse is abusing animals, Child Abuse is that of abusing a child or children, Elderly Abuse is abusing senior citizens and naturally, Parent Abuse is that of abusing a parent, regardless of the gender.

Parent Abuse Does Happen

Parent abuse happens just like all the other types of abuse happen, whether we want to know it, recognize it or acknowledge it. Parent abuse happens in the lives of many people, regardless of where they live or who they are. Abuse does not only happen in areas of poverty or to the uneducated. You should consider yourself and your home very lucky to never, suffer from any type of abuse.

What Should You Do if You are Suffering from Parent Abuse?

If you are being abused by your children, you need help and you need help desperately. It may not sound like the life you dreamed of having with loving children in a safe home. If you are being abused by your child, now is the time to talk with someone, someone who can be of assistance. If you say nothing, you stand a chance of the table being turned on you if instead your child goes to screeching, “My Parent is Abusing Me.” Moreover, do not think that that seemingly mild mannered child would not do something like that to you after they have already beaten you up.

Do Not Hit or Return the Abusive Manners

If your child or children are abusing you, do not hit! Do not return any of the abusive manners they are giving to you, back to them. Sure, you might feel the need to tear up a tail when they need it, but if you are dealing with an abusive child that has no respect for itself or you; you are only running full steam ahead into a big brick wall that may see you behind bars. Remember, while you are being abused, keep your hands, feet and head to your self, retaliation does you no good and only complicates the matter. If you are hitting or abusing your child in return, eventually you will only make things worse for yourself.

Call the Authorities

It may be embarrassing, it may hurt your inner self to consider turning a child, regardless of his or her age into the authorities; however, it is necessary to make the official reports concerning the matter. Too many times, parents hesitate when at any other time they would have the law onto anyone else who was abusing them or their children. Although, it is embarrassing and hurts it is something that needs to be done.

When you are abused, as soon as possible you need to contact the police or the sheriff’s office to let them know what is going on. Even if they do not come to the house, they have your information recorded in their logbook. That information in their logbooks can work for you as some sort of evidence that you have been experiencing abuse.

The Abusive Child Claiming the Parent is Abusive

This can seem to a child an easy out, especially if there are others who are siding with the child or even encouraging the child in the abuse. Unbelievably there are people regardless of their age that will do this, even if they know you are not an abusive type of person. It does happen. The child may think that if they can have you arrested and taken to jail, their problems of not wanting to follow rules is finished.

It is much easier for a child to claim you are an abusive parent if you try to protect yourself by hitting them back when they hit you. Do not fall into this trap. Short of being killed by a child, you should try to get away from them, in another room and then call the authorities.

It may hurt and it may make you mad, but you may fair better by just taking the beating and when it is over then calling the law rather than trying to control your child by force. It is always better if it is you who makes the first call to report the abuse, rather than putting it off and hoping for the best, and then finding after you have been abused again, your child has reported you as an abusive parent.

If this happens, simply tell the law the truth, the whole truth and then work with them and any helpful resources your community may have for abused parents. Nevertheless, you need to know that there is not as much awareness of this matter as there are for child abuse or elderly abuse. Resources are lacking, but in some areas, you may find that you do have a support system already in place. Take advantage of your local resources.

sourced ~ Type A Parent.com — Sara Valor
 

Guest post by Annie Evett

Friendships amongst women form part of their identity, sense of community and place amongst society. Women tend to invest a great deal of time, emotional and physical energy into nurturing and maintaining friendships, so when a close relationship suddenly ceases, there is little to prepare them for the fallout and hurt to come. Regardless as to if it broke down through neglect or if it were a sudden or calculated act, one of the hardest things is accepting the decision and continuing your life.

It’s common for seemingly close friendships to suddenly derail due to miscommunication, a misguided comment taken out of context or shifting priorities due to life changes. Very often silence and distance extends until neither side is comfortable to broach the gap, feeling its too late to try and patch things up.

Finding yourself in this situation, you may be experiencing a number of thoughts including:

Being confused about what has happened
Self Blame “Why me?” “It’s not fair”
Insecurity “I’ll never find another friend like them ever again.”
Repetitious thoughts or reliving last conversations
Pre-occupation on small or insignificant details

Should you find yourself in this position, try some of these approaches.

Trust your instincts

Women especially are fine tuned into social contexts and instantly know if there is a disruption in the “happy force”. In reality, its never ‘too late’ – make some sort of contact and test the waters. Trust that what you are feeling, your friend may also be experiencing and that perhaps they are unsure of what or how to reach out to you.

Kindness

Be kind to yourself, to those around you and to your distanced friend. Acting and speaking out of anger and hurt may result in things being said that you may regret at a later date. Maintain your grace and approach any situation involving your friend with the highest ethical standards you can manage. You are more likely to attract negative attention and perceptions if you surround yourself with a blame or angry approach when anyone mentions your friends name. If you cannot manage a positive approach, remain neutral until you can react in a more positive way. Resist the temptation to bad mouth your friend. Be gentle on yourself and those around you.

Allow yourself to be emotional

A close friendship claims a large part of your life and when it is suddenly stopped or ripped away, it is just the same to having ones heart broken. Similar to any major emotional loss, you need to allow time to grieve and come to terms with what has happened. Part of overcoming grief is being given permission to be emotional, cry and rant about what has happened.

Develop routines

A close friendship is often intertwined with daily routines. Should this friendship now be over, its important to refocus routines rather than allow them to flounder or lead the way to depression. Set up new or different routines in your life which may allow you to come into contact with a different group of people on a daily basis.

Talk it out

It may not be possible to speak to your friend, but its important that your feelings and unexpressed thoughts are conveyed. Start a private journal or write a letter which will never be sent. You may include good memories or outline some of the acts or events which led up to the break up. This may be a forum to ask forgiveness or asking them to seek forgiveness from you. State the terms – no matter how ludicrous – by which you would accept friendship back. You may choose to keep these written thoughts, or in a symbolic act of release – burn the entire sheaf of papers.

Relaxation

Pamper yourself with a long bath, afternoon spent reading, soaking in the pool, getting a massage or doing yoga. Take time out just for yourself and allow the pent up strain, stress and grief to seep out of your body.

Celebrate the good times

Make a list, scrap book, collection of photographs or stories focusing on the positive, fun aspects of the friendship. Allow yourself to smile and then allow yourself to say goodbye to that chapter in your life.

The closure of a friendship is very similar to a death. Instead of a physical person, a spiritual and emotional death occurs, resulting in feelings of loss and grief. People grieve in different ways. For many, it seems that they take several steps forward in coping with it, only to find an event or some sort of stimulus forces them backward or into depression. Close friendships often influence a persons identity, and when this is taken away, many people begin to lose their self confidence. By choosing to recognize and celebrating the portions of the friendship which were positive, allowing them to be released and replacing them with new interests or routines, will ensure that you will come out the other side of grieving for a lost friendship on a stronger note.

sourced ~ Annie Evett

Annie draws on her years as a teacher, a busy mother of two and time in the corporate field to bring life experience to her eclectic style of writing. She has written speculative science fiction, feminist literature, romance, adventure and magazine articles exploring themes in mothering, feminism, spirituality and sharing her journey as a woman. Currently involved with a number of collaborative writing projects in both fiction and non fiction as well as conducting workshops with community and speaking at key events, Annie somehow finds time to care for her family and occasionally sleep .