What to do when a friendship goes sour

November 15, 2011

Guest post by Annie Evett

Friendships amongst women form part of their identity, sense of community and place amongst society. Women tend to invest a great deal of time, emotional and physical energy into nurturing and maintaining friendships, so when a close relationship suddenly ceases, there is little to prepare them for the fallout and hurt to come. Regardless as to if it broke down through neglect or if it were a sudden or calculated act, one of the hardest things is accepting the decision and continuing your life.

It’s common for seemingly close friendships to suddenly derail due to miscommunication, a misguided comment taken out of context or shifting priorities due to life changes. Very often silence and distance extends until neither side is comfortable to broach the gap, feeling its too late to try and patch things up.

Finding yourself in this situation, you may be experiencing a number of thoughts including:

Being confused about what has happened
Self Blame “Why me?” “It’s not fair”
Insecurity “I’ll never find another friend like them ever again.”
Repetitious thoughts or reliving last conversations
Pre-occupation on small or insignificant details

Should you find yourself in this position, try some of these approaches.

Trust your instincts

Women especially are fine tuned into social contexts and instantly know if there is a disruption in the “happy force”. In reality, its never ‘too late’ – make some sort of contact and test the waters. Trust that what you are feeling, your friend may also be experiencing and that perhaps they are unsure of what or how to reach out to you.

Kindness

Be kind to yourself, to those around you and to your distanced friend. Acting and speaking out of anger and hurt may result in things being said that you may regret at a later date. Maintain your grace and approach any situation involving your friend with the highest ethical standards you can manage. You are more likely to attract negative attention and perceptions if you surround yourself with a blame or angry approach when anyone mentions your friends name. If you cannot manage a positive approach, remain neutral until you can react in a more positive way. Resist the temptation to bad mouth your friend. Be gentle on yourself and those around you.

Allow yourself to be emotional

A close friendship claims a large part of your life and when it is suddenly stopped or ripped away, it is just the same to having ones heart broken. Similar to any major emotional loss, you need to allow time to grieve and come to terms with what has happened. Part of overcoming grief is being given permission to be emotional, cry and rant about what has happened.

Develop routines

A close friendship is often intertwined with daily routines. Should this friendship now be over, its important to refocus routines rather than allow them to flounder or lead the way to depression. Set up new or different routines in your life which may allow you to come into contact with a different group of people on a daily basis.

Talk it out

It may not be possible to speak to your friend, but its important that your feelings and unexpressed thoughts are conveyed. Start a private journal or write a letter which will never be sent. You may include good memories or outline some of the acts or events which led up to the break up. This may be a forum to ask forgiveness or asking them to seek forgiveness from you. State the terms – no matter how ludicrous – by which you would accept friendship back. You may choose to keep these written thoughts, or in a symbolic act of release – burn the entire sheaf of papers.

Relaxation

Pamper yourself with a long bath, afternoon spent reading, soaking in the pool, getting a massage or doing yoga. Take time out just for yourself and allow the pent up strain, stress and grief to seep out of your body.

Celebrate the good times

Make a list, scrap book, collection of photographs or stories focusing on the positive, fun aspects of the friendship. Allow yourself to smile and then allow yourself to say goodbye to that chapter in your life.

The closure of a friendship is very similar to a death. Instead of a physical person, a spiritual and emotional death occurs, resulting in feelings of loss and grief. People grieve in different ways. For many, it seems that they take several steps forward in coping with it, only to find an event or some sort of stimulus forces them backward or into depression. Close friendships often influence a persons identity, and when this is taken away, many people begin to lose their self confidence. By choosing to recognize and celebrating the portions of the friendship which were positive, allowing them to be released and replacing them with new interests or routines, will ensure that you will come out the other side of grieving for a lost friendship on a stronger note.

sourced ~ Annie Evett

Annie draws on her years as a teacher, a busy mother of two and time in the corporate field to bring life experience to her eclectic style of writing. She has written speculative science fiction, feminist literature, romance, adventure and magazine articles exploring themes in mothering, feminism, spirituality and sharing her journey as a woman. Currently involved with a number of collaborative writing projects in both fiction and non fiction as well as conducting workshops with community and speaking at key events, Annie somehow finds time to care for her family and occasionally sleep .

Pinky Lee Morgison – Royalty Gets No Breaks

Alan

June 27, 2011

Last year, I had the opportunity to meet Pinky Lee Morgison while traveling via Greyhound from Beaumont, Texas to Great Falls, Montana to get my wife’s car.

Pinky and I rode together from Dallas to Denver in 2010, (I took his photo in New Mexico, one of but many stops along the way) and what stories there were to be told during the trip. I quietly sat and listened to Pinky as he talked of his many life’s experiences .. in the stockyards, cattle shows, and livestock auctions .. there was Pinky .. ready to do the job that most would not.

The Rocky Mountain News did a write up on Pinky in January 2006 .. here are a few excerpts:

“He borrows a pitchfork from an obliging rancher – “There’s a lot of nice folks out here, yessir” – makes a U-turn and heads for a remote area down past a parking lot full of large pickups and just across the railroad tracks where two young women are grooming cattle.

He pulls out a slip of yellow paper from the pages of a pocket Bible that he can’t read. On the slip some numbers are written – designating the area where Pinky is supposed to make some beds for the cattle. Pinky knows his numbers and finds the spot.” ~ Rocky Mountain News

“Bits of straw glint golden in the afternoon sun as they cascade from the pitchfork. Pinky doesn’t deviate from his routine: Remove the rope, hang it on the fence, briskly attack the bale, feather the straw along the fence. He’s done in an hour.” ~ Rocky Mountain News

I’ve met some pretty incredible people during my travels over the years, and Pinky rated top shelf in my book.

——

UPDATE:

Ronald “Pinky” Morgison, age 73, of Federal Heights, Colorado passed away on Tuesday, January 18, 2022. Pinky was born September 25, 1948.

At the bottom of Fuxian Lake

Alan

May 19, 2011

At the bottom of Fuxian Lake—rising 5643 feet above sea level and encompassing an area of 131 square miles—experts discovered the remains of a massive city, and several pyramids-shaped structures believed to be the remains of an advanced ancient pre-flood civilization.

Fuxian Lake video:

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Pyramids are a global phenomenon. For thousands of years, ancient cultures around the globe decided to erect Pyramids as if all of them followed an intricate blueprint from the past. Not a single expert today can answer why the ancients built Pyramids, and why so many of them are eerily similar despite the fact that mainstream scholars argue—the most distant civilizations around the globe were not connected.

China is known for a lot of things, but a few know that many experts consider this part of the world to be home to the largest pyramid on the surface of the planet. During the end of World War II, American pilot James Gaussman prepared to complete a mission of providing food and supplies to the Chinese military forces. Suddenly, a fault in the aircraft engine forced his return to the Assan airbase in northern India, for safety, he performed his return journey at low altitude which made it possible to observe the incredible land below him. Shortly after flying over the city of Xi’an, heading southwest, the pilot encountered the presence of a giant pyramidal shape on the surface. Surprised, after making several passes over the structure, Gussman prepared to and took several photographs of the pyramid; he also created a detailed report, which he later handed to his superiors upon returning to base.

But that’s just one reference to ONE of the many mystifying pyramids in China.

The truth is there are many more Pyramids scattered across the region.

If we were to travel to Fuxian Lake, located in the Yunnan Province, China we would discover the remains of massive structures at the bottom of the lake. At the bottom of this poorly explored Lake — which stretches through Chengjiang County, Jiangchuan County and Huaning County in Yunnan Province, rising 5,643 feet above sea level and encompassing an area of 81 square miles — are structures that have mystified experts ever since their discovery.

The enigmatic monuments were discovered in 1992 when expert diver Geng Wei came across hand carved flagstones and countless other stone relics scattered across the bottom of the second deepest freshwater lake in China. Geng Wei was left mystified by what many believe are the remains of a lost ancient city.

So when were these enigmatic structures built? The answer is sort of simple: before the last Ice Age—when water levels around the planet were much lower than today.

Is it possible that the ancient structure located beneath Fuxian Lake are the remnants of an ancient culture that flourished before Earth’s last Ice Age? And is it possible — as author and researcher Graham Hancock argues — it was around 13,000 years ago when a cataclysmic event wiped out advanced civilizations from the surface of the planet?

After over thirty dives and aid from submarines, experts discovered the remains of massive stone slabs, stairs, and walled structures. However, that was not enough to understand what exactly was located at the bottom of the lake.

Then, in 2001, archaeologists from the Hunan Provincial Museum used advanced sonar equipment and cameras to survey the bottom of the lake for the first time ever.

The results convinced experts in the field that the remains at the bottom of the lake once belonged to an extremely complex and advanced ancient culture that inhabited the region in the distant past, capable of building massive structure and more importantly, pyramids.

One of the submerged pyramids at the bottom of Fuxian Lake has a circular shape and has a base of around 121 feet, while the other two, of greater height, are connected to each other by a corridor of stone of 900 feet in length.

Researchers gathered enough data to convince them that the mysterious underwater structures covered an area of more than 1/2 mile.

What if the structure at the bottom of the lake are evidence that before the Great Flood—before the last Ice Age — an extremely advanced ancient culture inhabited the area?
If so, who were they and what happened to them after the great flood?

Looking back at historical records we’ll find evidence that an ancient city called Yuyuan was established in the region where Fuxian Lake is located today.

Historical records show that the city ceased to exist after the Sui and Tang Dynasty (589-907AD). Curiously, according to local legends and folklore, the ancient city of Yuyuan and its people sank to the bottom of the lake. So, did experts find the remains of the ancient city of Yuyuan? The answer is no.

Why? Because after several studies, experts concluded that the sunken city Yuyuan or the capital of the ancient Dian Kingdom was in fact constructed mostly out of wooden and clay materials. The remains at the bottom of Fuxian Lake are mostly made of stone.

Cadence Spalding – Save the World

Alan

November 20, 2010

Saturday morning, clear sunny sky and 43 degrees, coffee’s hot, and Cadence Spalding .. A perfect start to the perfect day.

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Cadence Spalding is an American educator, vocalist, instrumentalist and composer. She is well known as a new age musician and also as a children entertainer under the name of Miss Jenny. Her solo album Save The World peaked #4 on the Top 100 New Age/Ambient/World Radio/Internet Airwaves Chart and was the best new age album in 2009.

Walmart and all of it’s clutter

Alan

October 11, 2010

Walmart may be the largest retailer in the nation, but being the largest won’t do it any good when we find that they are lacking grossly in customer service, price, and quality.

I read a piece in the Times online tonight that touched base on how Walmart is rolling back their Rollbacks .. evidently, having the “lowest prices” isn’t doing Walmart any good at all in helping to stabilize their bottom line.

Walmart, I feel, has grown so much, so fast, over the years, that it has lost it’s grip on quality. These days, with the economy in the toilet, we find shoppers looking for quality wares .. wares that might last a while longer.

Walmart can raise their prices all they want, but it might not do them any good as long as they insist on selling can openers that will only last long enough to open maybe two or three cans. I mean, C’mon .. a one dollar item is just that .. A one dollar item. If that can opener had the true price of just one dollar, like it should have had .. I never would have purchased it, and I could have saved both Walmart and myself the trouble, by purchasing a quality can opener at a different store.

Selling the cheap China knock-offs for a higher price may indeed be the undoing of Walmart altogether. Walmart .. Dollar Store products with a Sears/Macy’s/JC Penny price tag isn’t going to work.

Customer service? .. Walmart doesn’t pay it’s help enough money per hour for them to really even care if you can find a product or not. One store will tell you they have the desired item over the phone .. and when you arrive at that store, you discover that they really didn’t have the product or item after all.

The Walmart stores in the Pacific Northwest (Washington, Idaho, Montana) do a better job on their customer service, but the Walmart stores I’ve shopped at here in Southeast Texas are an epic fail. These people down here seemingly just don’t give a tinkers dam about anyone who walks into their store ..

The only complaint I might find with regard to the Walmart stores in the Pacific Northwest, is that they are stocked continuously with clothes that some one in the south might wear .. Different geographical regions of this country have different tastes, styles and needs .. it’s too bad that Walmart, for as large as they are, still hasn’t figured this out .. one size (XXL), style, color .. in this case .. absolutely does not fit all.

The Walmart stores in the north are seemingly stocked with a variety of fish products, whereas the Walmart stores here in the south are not.

The Walmart greeters in the north are seemingly very friendly .. they won’t sneer at you or make inappropriate comments directed at you when you are having a bad day, like the Walmart greeters in the south will.

The Walmart meat, in both the north and the south, when cooked, tastes nearly the same as the packages they came out of .. Walmart meat is yet another epic fail.

I’ll refer to the article I read in the Times online when I comment on Walmart’s infamous “Action (clutter) Alleys” .. I understand the impulse shopping angle in this case .. but what about the shoppers themselves .. shopping carts that would choose to steer to the perpetual left from being hit by cars all day out in the parking lot, loaded with items, kids, or in most cases, both — trying to navigate the insanely narrow space that these so-called “Action (clutter) Alleys” create. Trust me when I say that your Walmart shoppers are spending more time trying to navigate the narrow alleys than they are even attempting to see how much the clutter costs that stands in their way.

Wide open spaces are a good thing, but Walmart doesn’t seem to think so .. let’s fill our shopping corridors up with even more of those cheap China products in an effort to increase our bottom line. Let’s ruin the moral of our employees by paying them a wage that requires them to have a welfare supplement.

Walmart .. you are not Sears, Macy’s, or JC Penny .. you are the late night infomercial .. the “As Seen On TV” guy .. the “ShamWOW Guy” .. the epitome of Chinese superiority in the retail market in this nation.

The only way that Walmart is ever going to make it beyond this recession, is to start selling some quality .. no .. corporate pep rallies aren’t going to get it done for you.

Arguing over a posted price for a product at checkout, can openers that only last a day or two, toasters that heat but won’t toast .. the list is longer than my arm ..

This blog post may be written off as just a rant by the many .. after all, I’m just one guy .. one guy that’s shopped at Rosauers, Buttery’s, Safeway, Albertsons, Fred Meyer, Tidymans, HEB, Kroger, and so on. I’ve also shopped at Walmart stores from Seattle, Washington, all the way down to Beaumont, Texas.

Walmart receives a failing grade in these three areas .. Customer Service, Quality, Price .. and depending on where in the west you are shopping .. these three fails will occur and may not appear in the exact order listed here.